Venue Review: The Lusty Lady of Seattle

The Lusty Lady of Seattle - Well Known For Witty Puns

This review is Xposted with my Yelp.com profile.

Venue Review: The Lusty Lady of Seattle

Cost: Free to Enter, 25cents for less than a minute of viewing.  Video boothes and private “dances” available, but were not reviewed.

Ok – here is the deal.  It’s a whack-shack and you should know that before you consider entering.  That said, you should assume that there are boxes of tissue around, and that not everyone uses the tissues when they should.  If you know this, and you are peace with it (or willing to deal with it, anyway), then you can ignore all of the silly rants from other reviewers who somehow assumed that people who go to tiny private rooms to watch naked women dancing aren’t going there to masturbate all over the place.  Really now, get over it or don’t visit.

Read our verrrry detailed review after the jump!
Now that’s out of the way, here is my review of our visit to The Lusty Lady.  We laughed outside, as it is right across from the SAM (Seattle Art Museum).  As we approached, 3 young men ran out giggling.  Of course, I pointed at them and said “I saw you! I know what you were doing!” and we all laughed.  Well, I laughed, anyway.  We went in and the woman at the front table was pleasant enough.  She gave us the general directions, after asking if we had been before, and we got our quarters from the machine.  The doors are green and yellow on the right – video booths further down on the left.  Who cares about the video booths when a world famous old-time peep show is in the building?!  I should mention that the desk person did not blink one way or the other that we are a guy/girl couple, so one might guess that women are welcome here. (Some erotic dancing venues don’t permit women or guy/girl couples)  Other reviewers back this up.   We went in early December (off season) at noon on a Monday and did not notice any bad smells, or good ones for that matter, in spite of what other reviewers have mentioned.

The front of the doors are helpfully labeled by whether or not the ladies (and other customers) can see you through the glass.  I chose a window where I could be seen, and so did my friend.  He, however, said he would opt for the other kind next time as he felt a bit odd with the risk of making eye contact.  I, on the other hand, smiled away and thanked them through the glass. I’m getting ahead of myself, though.  Ok – so you peer under the door and look for feet to make sure the room is empty.  There is a good 12+ inches of space to do this, so it’s easy even though it’s pretty dark in there.

Open your door and you will find a tiny little room.  It’s not even a room.  It’s 1/2 of a tiny coat closet.  If you’re wearing a winter coat, it will brush the sides of the room no matter how hard you hug it to yourself.  Look at the wall near your belly button – there is a glowing button by the place for your quarter, just like an old-school video game machine.  Put your quarter there, and the shade lifts.  You’re now exposed from mid-chest up as you stand there, staring into a small mirrored room with 3 ladies in it.  The room is perhaps 12 feet wide and 6 feet deep, but it was hard to tell since I was way down at the end by the entrance to The Lust Lady.  Yes, you can see the faces of other customers (who chose that kind of room) as the shades go up and down, and they can see you.  You cannot see more than shoulder action, but you know what they’re doing…maybe you’re doing it, too so don’t judge.

Just a few seconds later, the shades comes down, so drop in another quarter.  Now you’re used to it, and no longer blinking at the bright lights and bare bodies.  We had three women in the room, one who looked like a former cheerleader, one who was lovely girl next door type, and one with large breast implants.  I couldn’t see the blond cheerleader on the other side well, so I can’t say much about her other than that she had huge heels waving in the air at some points.  The girl-next-door type did not shave anything, and wore causal blue striped cotton socks.  The woman with the implants sported a sheer, flouncy fringe of a skirt.  All were otherwise nude.  The woman in the blue socks was the only African-American, the other two were white, and the skirted woman had brown hair.  There, now you know the image.  The three of them slowly pranced and danced in the room, sometimes looking bored and sometimes teasing the patrons with close-up views, winks and smiles.  I assumed they could hear me through the glass, as there is a sign stenciled on the bottom of the window advising that I be polite and not issue commands to the dancers.  I was all grins and gratitude, and was rewarded with a smile and wave from the dancer in the skirt as my shade went down the last time.  I added one last, unplanned quarter to wave back, but she wasn’t looking anymore.

As I exited the booth I saw that my friend had been waiting for me by the door (as we preplanned).  You aren’t allowed to squish more than 1 person in a room, nor would you want to.  Trust me, it would not be sexy.  We grabbed some sanitizing gel from the dispenser at the exit, and I asked how long he had been there.  He spent only 1 quarter and made a run for it.  I said that I spent $1, although I actually spent $1.50.

We left, giggling but not running.  A few men stared at me with shy amazement but no one pointed.  After that, we did a nice tea tasting down the way.  I hope there are no bathrooms to review here!  Would we return?  He said he would not.  I had fun, and the price is really amazing for what you get.  That said, it wasn’t what I would consider hot.  I certainly think many people will find it sexy, just not me.  I would go again to accompany friends, or just to drop by, certainly.

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