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I would love to hear from you and I do read every email and comment!

Post a comment anywhere on the blog or email us at ExploringIntimacy (at) Gmail (dot) com.  If I don’t get back to you right away you might have gotten caught in the spam filter.  I do check that periodically, but you might want to come back here and tell me you sent an email if you don’t hear back within a week.

  • ARTISTS: If nipples and genitals are covered, then we want to feature your sexy, nonviolent (playful kink is usually ok) art! We love nipples, genitals and S&M, don’t get us wrong, but we also try to be vaguely safe for work. Send us links to your work and we will discuss featuring it on the blog.
  • FEATURING YOUR LINK: Want your blog or site promoted in our blog roll or on my professional site’s resource list? Send us a link! If it is relevant, lacks offensive ads, and offers something of quality then we’ll add it!  note: stores carrying vibes, plugs and dildos must focus on nontoxic toys, and clearly label their contents.
  • INTERVIEWEES: Interesting in being interviewed? Interviews are a great way to promote your site. They’re typically done by email, at your convenience, then incorporated into a themed essay to post. Drop me a line and we’ll discuss how your interview can fit the theme of this blog.
  • CONTENT FOR YOUR SITE: I do enjoy writing guest blogs and being interviewed for well-being and advocacy sites; toss me an email and we’ll see how we can work together. If you’re seeking regular content, you are welcome to contact me with your needs at the email address above. We can discuss rates at that time.
  • ADVERTISING & SPONSORSHIP: This site only accepts advertisements from businesses that match the theme, audience, and ethics of this blog.  All ads must pay on a per-month basis, none will be accepted with fees by click or commission in order to avoid conflicts of interest. If you have a product or service you would like us to review we will do so in exchange for a sample, with the agreement that the review will be honest (positive or negative).  You are welcome to re-post the review at your own site with a link back to this blog. Note: In order to receive free review products some companies require that I join an affiliate program, presumably under the assumption that I will want to profit off any sales referred to them.  In order to avoid a conflict of interest, and to ensure the integrity of my reviews, 100% of any income that is generated through affiliate programs is donated to .  I do not make any commissions on products, books, or anything else mentioned here.
  • ADVICE: Dr. Ruthie does post advice from time to time, usually stemming from recent workshop conversations or reposts from her Sexpert Advice posts at Scarleteen.  If you are a teen or young adult seeking sexuality advice please visit  Dr. Ruthie and many other wonderful sexuality experts are there to help!

15 Comments leave one →
  1. October 30, 2008 10:42 am

    Hello there
    I have come across your site and think it is really well done-
    We are a adult novelties on-line site that ships to both the states and Canada (Canadians avoid paying duty if they buy from us as we have a Canadian warehouse as well ). We offer a large selection of products at excellent prices and we pride ourselves on quick and efficient customer service, making every effort to deliver same day shipping to our clients.
    We would like to link to your site on our site and would appreciate the same in return if that is possible. We look forward to hearing back from you.

    If you would like more information we would be happy to provide it.

    Marketing Director

  2. December 10, 2008 5:58 pm

    Hi, this question is to my friend Ruthie, not sure if you’ll remember me but I asked you a question about swingers groups in Charlotte NC. Anyway, I was curious if you could point me in the right direction for finding the info. I don’t expect you to give me the answers, just teach me how to find them. I kinda get a little lost in my search. Oh, and it was a pleasure meeting you with Missy.

  3. December 11, 2008 12:43 am

    Hey Darick – it’s great to see you here! How fun!
    I haven’t participated in the Charlotte NC swingers scene personally, nor do I know anyone who has. If you try any of these, or find others, please let us know how you liked them! Search for words like: lifestyle, private club, kink club, fetish club, swinging, swingers . Don’t be confused by links for swing dancers though, that could get messy. Here is what I found.
    (links are NOT safe for work!)

    There are also many parties in Atlanta, if you feel up to a road trip. Happy swinging!

  4. December 20, 2008 7:28 am

    OK, Here’s a good one. I have this thing where either I will post an ad, and get no responces, or I’ll respond to an ad, and get no reply. In my post, and my replies to ads I am very respectful. Which I feel is ok, because I can’t really assume the responces of the individuals I reply to, and as for post I want to make sure I get a reply. Well I guess the question is, am I doing something wrong? Ok, I know you’d probably need a sample of my post or reply to figure this out, but is there a chance I could be too polite?

    • December 23, 2008 11:15 pm

      Hey again! Well, I admit that you’re in a rough spot. You’re one of millions of men seeking something that is pretty hard to find, and the women you’re looking for probably know it. On the flip side, it can also be hard for women to find respectful and attractive men to do this with, so I do hear the frustration from both sides of this search. All the same, I do think that men have a tougher time finding women that are interested in swinging with them. I think that being respectful is always desirable in a personals ad, even if you’re looking for something kinky, but it also has to be a well balanced and seductive post. On top of all this, remember that you get what you pay for. If you’re posting to CraigsList, OKCupid, or any other free site you’re likely to be either ignored completely or flooded with letters from women who are seeking to sell themselves or their website instead of meeting you. Are you doing something wrong? Whatever you’re doing can probably be enhanced, even if you’re doing a great job. If you’re up to submitting a sample, including the photos and sites you use, that would be very helpful. We can work from there. I’d also like to hear more about your goals, and what you are ready to bring to these relationships (or one-nighters).

      You might also consider looking for “lifestyle groups” for those interested in swinging, and seeing if you can make some friends there who throw parties you might be invited to. Once you’re in with the right crowd, things can really get going. It will require time, and a lot of great personality to get there. Are you ready for that kind of commitment in order to make this work? It would be cheaper and easier to hire an attractive and willing partner for the night, which is always another option and much more of a sure bet. Lastly – have you considered searching for boy/girl couples that like to share the woman of the couple with other men? This may be another route in for you, as long as you’re not shy of performing around and with another man for her pleasure!

  5. February 23, 2009 2:31 am

    OK, it’s me again. And this time I have something new to think about. As you know I was in a relationship that ended horribley. Since then I have not sought a serious relationship. Well, it’s been almost 2 years since that fateful breakup, and I’m considering casual dating. The catch is I was in that relationship for nearly 5 years (I might as well say 5 since I missed the mark by 48 days). Regardless, I’m a little rusty when it comes to approaching our fairer sex and honestly I always feel that if I open my mouth something stupid will jump out, or my words will say stay yet they will feel the need to run away. It might just be lack of confidence, or just me being overly self conscious, but I’ve always been the guy that females never admit they liked till it’s kinda too late. So needless to say, I have a lot of reason to feel like I’m in a losing battle.

    I have tried online personal ads, (Craigslist, Okcupid, ect ect.) and I’m usually met with no replies, bot replies, or replies from people that more or less fall through within the first 5 mins of speaking or meeting. A sample of my ad would more or less read like: “30 y/o black male. Living in ******. 250 lbs. 5’7″ tall. Seeking someone to spend time with and develop a friendly relationship. If more develops I’m open. I like to cook, or eat out. I also like to go to movies, or even rent a movie and stay in. I’m versitle.” Ect ect, the ad usually does’n go much further than that more or less I only left out what I look for in a woman. with trust me the description is very general. End point is I get’s nothing.

    I feel I’m a very genuine person, and somewhat charming. You’ve met me, and I’m sure you consider me at least an ok guy. So what can I do to overcome this hyper criticle mode I seem to have preventing me from achieving atleast an opening with someone.

    • May 13, 2009 11:30 pm

      Sorry to leave you hanging, Darick, and I’m also sorry to hear that things aren’t going so well! I’m flooded with questions after reading your post, and perhaps some will help yield some useful answers. Here we go!

      – 2 years of singlehood is a long time after a break up, even after a long relationship. I’m not saying it is too long, simply noting it is quite a while. Why 2 years? What important things happened during this point in time that led you to want to start dating now?

      – They like you too late? Hmm. That does sound frustrating. What is about you that they end up liking, why is it too late, and how did they come to like those things about you?

      – Why are you hunting online and, more specifically, why are you looking for a quality partner via a free site? I admit I have a slant with these two, and it shows. I have absolutely no issues with people meeting their loves online (I met my spouse on a discussion board) I am skeptical of free services and VERY skeptical when people note online ads as a main way of meeting others. We can talk about that more later, but I really do want to know why for both of those.

      I’m not surprised that your ad gets little attention. After all, qualities such as “genuine”, “charming” and “versatile” are hard to effectively communicate in a brief ad. What shows instead is a list of fairly common hobbies that is probably found within a long list of similar ads. I’ve read CraigsList ads many-a-time, and a woman’s brain can quickly go numb from all of the ads from hopeful men. You’re worth more than what is being communicated!

      While you’re thinking about those questions I suggest that you consider picking up a new social hobby, or taking one you do at home and making it more social. I did notice that your hobbies are great couples activities, but they also lead me to suspect that you end up doing them alone a lot. Have you tried signing up for cooking classes, or joining a dinner group? Just like making the right job connections, the best dating connections are often a matter of who know you combined with being in the right place at the right time. After all, you probably want a vibrant girlfriend that catches your eye at first sight and holds your attention with a charming first conversation. She wants the same thing, so get out there starting working your way toward meeting her (in real life)!

      Let me know what you think of that idea, and how it works for you if you decide to try it out. Either way, there are a few directions you could go from here, but I think we could come up with the best ideas together after considering the questions I already asked. I look forward to hearing back from you!

  6. March 5, 2009 6:51 pm

    Hello. You apparently have a link to my site on your page referencing body paint. I am an artist and photographer who works with a team doing just this sort of work. I do not post most of the fetish work on my site, as I also do a lot of weddings and corporate work, but perhaps we can collaborate on an article for your site about boudiour and pin-up style photography, body paint, fetish, or something else of the sort. Please feel free to contact me at your leisure if anything comes to mind.
    Thank you, Cherie Lee Imagery (formally eClipseStudio).

  7. November 13, 2009 2:53 pm

    Hello Dr. Ruthie,

    My compliments on your excellent and resourceful site!

    I write for a new online store called and we would love to have a link included on your site.

    We offer a variety of products, from toys, to lingerie and books. Our focus is on sex between people in committed relationships, but we definitely open to the kinky side of things!

    Thanks very much,
    Patricia Black


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