vibe as drink mixer
The folks at Hand Made Sex Toys have come up with a great guide for those of us with a few too many toys on our hands. Check out their illustrated tips for using your dildos, butt plugs, and other wankables as household helpers!
Thanks to our friend B for the tip!
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Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #35? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #37? Submit it here before Sunday July 12th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.
Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Madame Editrix
On to the reviews…
Editor’s Pick
Vibrators
Dildos
Anal Toys
Toys for Cocks
BDSM/Fetish
Adult Books/Games
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Sensual Art - the Cecile by Lovemoiselle
Cecile is a delightful, artistic vibrator designed to please its owner’s senses of touch and sight with its smooth, undulating body and light-to-moderate vibrations. Those who love sensation play will adore this vibe, as will those seeking a lightweight, very firm toy with far more style than her hard plastic sisters. The unique sensation of the ceramic is extremely smooth and offers added depth to the transmission of the vibrations. With its single, well-placed button, control is easy. This toy is best suited to those who enjoy a perfectly texture-free surface, light to moderate vibrations, a firm phallus, and one that widens gradually toward the base. And, of course, for those who are ready to be visually seduced.
Continue reading for all of the details of the Cecile’s playtest.
Filed under: Reviews, Toys | Tagged: cecile, ceramic, lovemoiselle, playtest, pleasure, review, sensation play, sex toy, Sex Toys, vibrator, Vibrators | 12 Comments »
Dr. Ruthie,
My last girlfriend told me that she was faking it with me. She told me that when we broke up. I was totally surprised and hurt. How can I know if my next girlfriend is faking orgasms? Sean
Sean,
Thanks for your great question. First, let me say that I’m sorry to hear that your last relationship ended on such a painful note. I would also feel shocked and hurt to hear such a thing. It’s possible she lied about it, but either way that doesn’t answer your question.
Women fake their orgasms for many reasons. She may not have known how to orgasm, or you may not have known how to help her have one. Girls can get sexual performance anxiety too, so she may have felt like she needed to hurry up and fake getting off in order to be a good partner. Perhaps she was getting bored, or was afraid that she was boring you. Sometimes girls who don’t really want to be having sex (or keep having sex) will go ahead and fake an orgasm to “get it over with.” I could keep listing possibilities all day. These situations make me wonder about her self-esteem and self-awareness, both partner’s sexual skill levels, the expectations of each other, and the quality of the relationship.
I suggest that you begin your quest to avoid faked orgasms by using your mouth… and ears. As you’re getting to know your next partner, ask her about the sexual things she has enjoyed in the past and things she didn’t enjoy so much. As you’re talking, you might also ask about whether she has had orgasms, and if she knows what helps her to have them. While some folks are shy to talk about these things, it can turn into a fun and sexy conversation that teaches you both about how to be good lovers for each other. If she has regular orgasms, especially by masturbating, you might encourage her to do this for you so you can see what she likes and how she does it. This is also a very hot way to have safer sex, as you can be intimate by watching each other and masturbating side-by-side without any risk. Whether you’re exploring her body with yours or watching each other explore, be sure to have lots of high quality lube around. This helps to keep things happy and wet for her, even if the learning process is slow, funny or awkward. Remember that you can take as long as you need to learn together, and that you can stop and start whenever you like without feeling bad.
A good long term, sexual relationship is built on strong communication and mutual trust. While I am sad to hear how your last relationship ended, I also suspect that there were other problems with communication in addition to the faked orgasms (if she really was faking). If you and your new partner cannot speak about and be supportive of each other’s sexual wants and needs in advance, then that should be a big warning sign of other problems. And remember, these conversations (and demonstrations) can be fun, sexy, flirtatious and intimate in addition to useful!
However, you asked how to tell if she is faking. An orgasm is a powerful experience that taps into many parts of the body, making it somewhat hard to deceive… a scientist. A scientist can look at scans of the brain’s responses, check bodily chemical/hormone levels, measure vaginal contractions, and watch for other signs like clenching toes, changes in skin tone and respiration, etc.. But what about your typical lover, caught in the heat of the moment with a partner who is sending every signal that she is enjoying herself? This is not the time to be suspiciously watching her to judge her orgasms, as it is likely to ruin the fun for both of you and lead her to wonder why you don’t trust her. If you have made every effort to communicate well and then worked together to learn how to please her, then relax and enjoy the experience. In the end, if you demonstrate that you are caring, patient and interested but she still fakes then she will miss out on the opportunity to develop sexual intimacy with you. That is her loss.
Read all of my Q&A with Dr.Ruthie posts.
Feeling stuck or confused about something to do with sex & intimacy? I would love to hear your question. You can find my email and all of the fine print on my Sex Q&A tab, above.
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Filed under: Q&A | Tagged: better sex, communication, fake orgasms, intimacy, orgasm, orgasms, sex questions | 1 Comment »
Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #34? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #36? Submit it here before Sunday July 5th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.
Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Madame Editrix
On to the reviews…
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Muddy Toes - J Loves 'Em! (click image for source)
This week’s I’m proud to introduce “J”, who was kind enough to take the time to tell us about his kinks, including lots of good stories. J loves sexy situations that combine feet (especially in nylons), bondage and mud. Keep reading to learn more about his experiences and interests!
Filed under: Sex Ed You Can Use, Twisted Tuesday Fetishes | Tagged: bdsm, bondage, feet, fetish, interview, kink, mud, nylons, Twisted Tuesday Fetishes | Leave a Comment »
I’m proud to be featured in July’s KSL Beat over at KinkySexLink! For my feature article I wrote up a rather detailed essay on How to Choose a Kink-Friendly Psychotherpist. Be sure to check it out!
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The Womalia - Best of the Best
Sound the trumpets and wave the flags, because this is a day I never thought would come.
For the first time in six years, I am proud to announce a new favorite toy. Yes, my friends, the amazing Hitachi Magic Wand must now yield its cherished seat of honor to the Womolia.
Filed under: Reviews, Toys | Tagged: better sex, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, Sex Toys, vibrator, Vibrators | 11 Comments »
Dr. Ruthie ,
My girlfriend and I have a good relationship, but sometimes I feel like she has no idea what I like sexually. She is good in bed, but it feels generic and sometimes I wish she would slow down more when she is touching me. Sometimes I make these suggestions afterward, but then she is angry at me and won’t do anything for a long time. How can I ask her for better sex without that happening?
Mike
Mike – Thanks so much for dropping me a note. This sounds like a frustrating situation, and I applaud you for continuing to try to work toward a better way. It sounds to me like you’re seeking two things: different touch and greater intimacy. Here you are, a guy who knows his sexuality well and wants to share his insights on his body with his partner, only to have it backfire. Here are a few things that are going through my head:
Filed under: Q&A | Tagged: bedroom talk, getting better sex, greater intimacy, how to ask for better sex, sex advice, sex questions | 2 Comments »
It’s a tough time for everyone economically, even those with lots of experience and a Ph.D.. We’ve hit a bit of a snag in our plans to relocate to Washington, DC., and so I am reaching out to my contacts for any job leads or suggestions. If you, or someone you know, may have a full time position available in the fields of sexual health & well-being, intimater partner violence, family therapy or qualitative research, please contact me. I would be pleased to rush you a packet containing my CV, teaching and presentation evaluations, professional publications, or any other materials that you may need. We’re open to relocating to any area of english speaking North America, with a preference for locations in or near a metropolitan area. These areas are most likely to have positions for expert statisticians, such as my spouse. I am seeking to start in July or August, and am available for interviews on location or through video conferencing.
Thank you!
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