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Pussy Cosmetics And Vagina Myths

February 13, 2010

The hottest new product is here, dominating my inbox with press releases, reviews, and debate.  Perhaps you’ve heard of this new series of pussy cosmetics, too, with its promise of 2 or 3 days of fresh, feisty and colorful labia for an irresistible, new pink vulva.  Who can resist your bright and bold little lady now, eh?  Let’s dive in and see what’s up with the newest trend in sexual enhancement.

My New Pink Button is marketed as a “temporary dye system”, never tested on animals, developed by a paramedical esthetician,  available in four shades of red (light pink through maroon) and… ooh la la… it’s distributed out of France.   It’s made to look natural and promises that it won’t rub off on clothes or partners.  Sounds great, but in the midst of all this I’m left with one unaddressed concern: I didn’t know that a natural pussy wasn’t already an optimal color, at least not until this product came along to fix it.

That’s how big pharma and the cosmetic industries work, after all.  It’s no conspiracy theory, it’s just success marketing: find a legit concern that a small portion of the population experiences and that your company can address with a product.  Then describe and raise awareness of the problem in such a way that the symptoms sound like they’re meant for a much larger ground of people than those for whom the product was actually made.  This awareness raising should make large numbers of people feel as though they have what is actually an uncommon problem, thus re-defining normal as problematic.  If the advertising works really well, people will start throwing the word or phrase around like salt in a snowstorm and it will become part of common lexicon.  What if your natural, normal functioning is actually erectile disorder, vaginal odor, chronic acne, ADHD, a missing or under-developed G-Spot, uneven labia or *gasp* a dull and unsexy-colored pussy?  With hordes of people suddenly aware of their new “problem”, thanks to unethical scare tactics, shaming and overly broad definitions, you now have a ripe consumer base for your fabulous new solution.  Tada!  A winning product is born.

Clearly I’m no prude and I’m all for spicing things up in the boudoir, but I’m sure you hear my thundering bias already.  So, allow me to step aside from addressing My New Pink Button as a specific brand of coochie make-up and instead venture into the underlying issues: what color is an attractive vulva supposed to be, and does a “new” vulva look somehow better than a “used” vulva?

Meet Your Vulva, Thanks to

Meet Your Vulva, Thanks to Click to learn more.

Myth #1: A healthy, sexy vulva should be a specific color, and a bright one at that. Not true!  Cheesy as it sounds, it’s absolutely true when I say that labia are like flowers.  They’re meant to come in a range of delightful colors painted across variety of naturally attractive shapes.  It is normal and attractive for vulvar skin colors to include: black, grey, silver, gold, tan, brown, pink, white, red, purple, olive, blue and more!  Skin tone in the vulva need not match other areas on a woman’s body, either.  It’s a special place with unique skin tones.  So which colors are the sexiest?  Some people are used to seeing colors in the light, bright pink range, as Photoshopping and chemical skin lightening are rampant in porn industry.  However, remember that in spite of whatever photographers have decided shows up best on film, humans are naturally wired to like natural bodies.  The colors of natural pussies are evolved to be the utmost in sexy as-is.  While decorating can be icing on the cake, a deliciously moist and luscious cake is what really gets people interested.

Myth #2: A “used” pussy looks different; you can see when a vagina is worn out. It’s the word “new” in the product title that’s getting me as much as the idea artificial crotch coloring.  Vaginas and vulvas change naturally with age, this is true.  By the age of 30, or after child birth, the vaginal muscles have a greater ability to subsume (or expel) larger items than younger women.  This does not mean that older women are less tight – that’s all a matter of genetics and vaginal muscle tone.  But let’s get back to the visuals.  Healthy, happy sexual experience does not change the shape of her vagina, labia, clit, anus, or mons.  Clearly, changes in the presence of a hymen can be seen, but today most women are missing all or part of their hymen long before any consensual experience with penetration.  Coloration may change across the lifespan as the body matures; however, there is no particular color associated with an “old” vulva.  So, there is no need to make one’s “button” or anything look different or “new.”  Color does change when she gets aroused and blood rushes to the area, often making her natural colors deeper and more lush.  It’s likely that this is what the product was really shooting for, but they didn’t want to be quite so bold as to say “you can fake being already turned on with our product!”  This leads us to myth #3…

Myth #3: Using a product that mimics sexual arousal will enhance your relationship. I’m a complete lube snob and I stand proudly by that title, as long as it is used as a pleasurable tactile enhancement and condom safety enhancement, never as a form of faking being turned-on.  How in the world does it help our sexual communication and relationships when we fake our arousal?  As a relationship coach and sex educator, I work hard to help people communicate their sexual desires, as well as read each other’s body language.  Often times I meet people who are working hard to impersonate what they want, hoping it will somehow transform into the real thing: orgasms, trust, intimacy, confidence and more.  While looking aroused is sexy, it’s hottest (and most honest) for everyone involved when you look turned-on because you are AND when you or you and your partner take joy in working together to get there.

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Valentine’s Day Lady’s Only Pleasure Workshop in DC/VA Area

February 10, 2010
Dr. Ruthie at Mugging at Lotus Blooms

Dr. Ruthie Mugging at Lotus Blooms

Sunday, February 14 at 6:00pm

Girls’ Night Out for Valentine’s Day – Ladies-Only Workshop

Lotus Blooms at 1017 King Street, Alexandria, VA. (703) 535-8225 (map)

Ladies, this Valentine’s Day event is just for you, so grab your closest girlfriends and join Dr. Ruthie at Lotus Blooms. We’ll explore different ways to pamper yourself with relaxation activities during the workshop and leave with info and tips for sensual self exploration when you get home. Arrive early to shop with Dr.Ruthie at 5pm, then join us for the workshop at 7:30pm sharp. Sorry, gents but only women are welcome at this event! Reservations are suggested to ensure your seat, cost is $20. Call (703) 535-8225 for info and tickets.

Sexpert Advice: Are My Sperm Still Squirming?

February 10, 2010

Below is my most recent Sexpert Advice post at the wonderful comprehensive sexuality ed website for teens and young adults, Scarleteen.

Anonymous asks:

I am 18 years old, and I am scared to touch my sperm. And when I do masturbate, I feel like I’m spreading it everywhere. If I even ejaculate or touch something with sperm on my hand, I am scared to death to touch it. Even 2 days later I feel like if I touch the spot I’ll have sperm on me. I am miserable because I can’t even masturbate, nor do I even enjoy having a wet dream. Can I really spread sperm or get it on me after touching something in two days, or will the sperm be dead?

e[lust] 7 – I’m in the top three posts!

February 8, 2010

I’m thrilled to be in the top three articles for this week’s edition of e[lust]!  Many thanks to the reviewers and editrix for welcoming my Blogging For Choice story of my experiences as an intern at an abortion clinic.

HNT Courtesy of Coy Pink

Welcome to e[lust] – your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #8? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Uncoiling – I slip the blade between your hip and the fabric of the undergarment, and slide. The pretty thing splits easily, and the panty leg opens, revealing your skin underneath.

Ahead of Time I know you don’t like to know ahead of time when I’m going to let you out, but I just wanted  you know that it’s going to be, well, a long time.

Blogging For Choice: My Story –  Should I begin with Catholic high school? Sure, why not. I suppose that’s when I first began thinking about abortion, especially when the opportunity for double credit for community service hours rolled around.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Vignettes: Virtual Peep Show I kept my bullet vibe on low to draw it out as long as possible for me as I stared, mouth open, at the two cute girls who loved to show off. I let the room in general, and the girls too, know that I was watching, appreciating and jerking off with them. I was encouraged by the greedy, horny men in the room to join them on camera.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

I missed you… – I could smell your cologne as I reached past you, key in my hand to unlock the door. That smell always set me off and you knew it. Your eyes told me what you wanted. You saw in mine what I couldn’t say out loud.

See also: Pleasurists #62 and #63 for all your sex toy review needs.

Read more…

Pleasurists #63

February 4, 2010

In the Looking Glass by PerryGallagher

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #62? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #64? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then you can use our submission form and submit it before Sunday February 7th at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #6

Editor’s Pick

  • The Forked Tongue by Sweet Tart
  • It is a short book: 124 pages, large font, wide spacing, maybe 30,000 words in total. And yet, unlike other books on similar topics, it does not feel like there is too little material. Rather, that Flagg is the master of brevity and precision. His is the pert aphorism, the cutting quote. He wields words like a surgeon wields a scalpel. As, indeed, he should: his topic is the use of language.

    Note: Not only does Sweet Tart do a wonderful job introducing a book to us in a well-written and concise manner (in perfect harmony with the book itself it seems) but The Forked Tongue sounds absolutely intriguing and slightly disturbing. They are both definitely worth a read!


Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Read more…

Play Testing RocketBalm: For His Pleasure

January 29, 2010
  • Toy: Rocket Balm: For His Pleasure
  • Type: Men’s Oil-Based Stimulation Balm
  • Manufacturer: Lover’s Choice Inc.
  • Material: Almond Oil, Coconut Oil, Beeswax, Menthol, Peppermint Oil, Ginseng among other natural ingredients listed on the label
  • Price: $8-$10

Rocket Balm is a novelty item designed to be rubbed on the penis to help stimulate him and heighten his pleasure. It comes in a tin that resembles cuticle cream. Rocket Balm is an oil-based balm with a delightful, peppermint smell, not that a nice clean body needs help to smell good, but it’s nice to have an opportunity to jazz up the way you or your partner smells.

The video above demostrates how to use the balm with the help of the “Big Purple Monster” dildo. The product can be quite cold when you first take it out for use because it comes in a tin, so you will need to press firmly with your fingers to warm up the balm and continue moving your fingers around to get the balm out of it’s container. You may rub the balm wherever you or your partner likes on the penis (including the balls). You should rub Rocket Balm in until it absorbs into the penis and it will leave a slight tingling sensation meant to stimulate.

I enlisted the help of a guest reviewer to try Rocket Balm out because my “Big Purple Monster” can’t tell me its thoughts on the product. What did he think? His first response is that it smells quite nice, however the product is not ideal for hand jobs because of the effort required to get the balm out of the tin; there’s not really enough you can get onto your hands to keep the motion slick. He felt the minty tingling sensation but found it to be really unpleasant. The experience with such a sensation could be different from person to person so you may find that you or your partner likes it; this reviewer did not. Also the reviewer’s partner found the balm to be incredibly uncomfortable (a bit of the tingling sensation rubbed off of the penis onto his partner).

Another thing to keep in mind about this product is it is NOT latex friendly. It says as much on the back of the packaging and all the ingredients are oil based. You cannot use a condom while using the product. Rocket Balm is a balm and is not meant to be used as any sort of lubricant, either for manual stimulation or for penetrative sex. It is only meant to be rubbed on for its tingling sensation. Rocket Balm also comes with a list of ten pleasure tips which are really basic and you probably shouldn’t bother.

So Rocket Balm is a novelty product. It could be fun but our testers didn’t particularly like it. You can’t use it with condoms or for manual sex. It smells nice and some people may like the tingle, but my guest reviewer won’t be using it again, except for cuticle cream.  My reviewers were terribly confused when they noted the stuff has great ratings at and other reputable sex stores, so your experience may vary.

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Q & A: How Can I Warm Up To My Fat Boyfriend?

January 28, 2010

It’s official!  I’m now a volunteer Sexpert over on the Sexpert Advice section of the amazing .  As I address questions from teens and young adults I will be posting announcements here, just in case you happen to have the same question.

Anonymous asks:

Ok, so here is my dilemma. I just started college this past August. A few weeks into it my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I thought I would never move on and so did everyone around me. So, a week or so before we got out for Christmas break I met a really awesome guy and we hit it off right away and so we started dating. We decided to wait to do anything sexual till around our 6 month aniversay. Well, I really do like my boyfriend and he means alot to me. He actually treats me better than my old boyfriend, but he is overweight. He wrestled in high school, which made him gain weight, and he also played football, which made him lose weight. I’m 140 lbs and he is 250 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I like the way he is and he is also trying to lose weight and making the efforts to do so. My fear is that I won’t be able to be intimate with him because of his weight problem. I have never been with a bigger person. So my question is, how can I get myself ready or prepared to be intimate with him without making him feel bad, because that is the last thing I want to do.

Ruthie replies:

Congratulations on starting college and on your great new relationship with a guy who means a lot and treats you well! This is an exciting time in many ways, and I’m glad to hear that you’re interested in waiting on getting sexual until you both feel ready for it. It sounds like you just started dating in December and are thinking of waiting until this summer to do anything sexual. You’re very wise and caring to know that an important part of being ready is feeling excited by, and supportive of, your partner’s body size and shape. This is especially true if your partner’s body is somehow different from other bodies with which you are familiar, including a different weight and size.

Read more…