To ‘bi’ or not to ‘bi’…That is the question
In today’s modern society, we seem to have a lot more choices. Pizza sauce or Ranch dressing? Hot coffee or iced coffee? White paint or beige paint? Granite countertops or formica? Sedan or SUV? Penis or vagina? What if you could have both?
It’s so interesting how the sexuality of the human body works. I am fascinated when people tell me about their sexual preferences (gay, straight, and anything in between). I never tire of hearing about what makes others happy.
Meet my friends, J (a sexy 29 year old male) and M (a sexy 32 year old female). Both are bisexual and have agreed to be interviewed for this post in the hopes of sharing their pleasure and past experiences, and to clear the air about this often misunderstood sexuality.
(interview after the break)
Please tell us, what is your ethnicity?
J: CUBAN –AMERICAN. FIRST ONE IN MY FAMILY TO BE BORN IN THE U.S.A
M: Wonder-bread white! (such a kidder, I swear!)
What is your sexual preference?
J: I’M BISEXUAL.
M: I consider myself pansexual, because I reject the idea that there are only 2 genders or sexes. Usually I just say “bisexual” though, because most people are not interested in my thoughts on gender and sexual diversity. Once, when I was traveling, some guy told me that he was “trysexual” in that he would try anything that was sexual. I’m not quite that daring, but I did like his answer!
Do you enjoy interracial sex? If so, what are your opinions about it?
J: I’M JUST SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO EVERYONE. BUT I GUESS I HAVE BEEN CALLED A SIZE QUEEN. LOL SO MY ANSWER IS HELL YEAH I DO!
M: Sure, why not? I enjoy intraracial sex, too. I will say that there is something visually appealing to seeing two very different skin tones mingling. Also, I have been told that I have a “bangin’ booty” and I find that African-American men are more often interested in that particular body type. Those positive experiences have certainly helped me to feel more flirtatious and sexy with all men, so thanks, guys!
What things specifically draw you to men?
J: IT’S VERY SEXUAL. THEIR LOOK…HOW THEY CARRY THEMSELVES…SEXY BODY…AND FINALLY THEIR COCK.
M: I am more practiced with flirting with and having sex with men, because I’ve been encouraged to my whole life. If a man turns me down, he is usually still flattered. If a woman turns me down because she doesn’t like women, it can get pretty ugly and even dangerous. So, I like the general safety of not getting gay-bashed. Just as I enjoy the contrast of different skin tones, there is also a sexiness in the contrast of the different bodies. That’s hot, too. When it comes to physical sex acts, there is nothing that a woman cannot do better than a man. Even when it comes to traditional sex, she can use any size, shape or color of penis that I want and go as long as we both have energy. Then we can switch! Back to what I like about guys: they’re fun to flirt with, because the guys I’m attracted to tend to be shy and so they aren’t expecting women to hit on them. They get so flustered and cute with just a little wink from me! I love it!
What things specifically draw you to women?
J: BEAUTY…FRIENDSHIP…SEX APPEAL…I LOVE CURVES ON A WOMAN. SO I AM ATTRACTED THEIR FEMININITY.
M: I will try not to sound like that Kate Perry song here, but excuse me if there are a few similarities. Women have the potential for such soft and luscious bodies, especially if they’re heavier. Muscular and lanky women, on the other hand, can also break bodily stereotypes and I find that counter-culture aspect very attractive, too. Women sometimes spend more time on the details, whether that means soft lips (from all that gloss or chapstick) or loads of foreplay. In fact, when you’re with another woman you lose that whole issue where the guy thinks it is over after they’re done getting off in you, which he also thinks of as the ultimate goal of hopping in bed. Everything two women do is what men often consider “foreplay”. Those are the same fun things that women often consider the best parts. How can I not love that about being with good female partners? Furthermore, we ladies have a lot more options for sexy lingerie, which is super hot. Saving the best for last: multiple orgasms for everyone involved. Hell yeah!
Have you ever been a man’s/woman’s first same-sex experience? What was that like for you? For him/her?
J: I HAVE A FEW TIMES…IT’S AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE. YOU HAVE TO SIT BACK A LITTLE AND GO SLOW AND SEE WHAT TURNS THEM ON. MOST DON’T LIKE KISSING THEIR FIRST TIME…SO YOU BACK OFF. YOU SHOULD JUST ENJOY WHAT IS HAPPENING.
M: Yes, I have been. I have a reputation for being a very patient lover with women who are nervous, so often times those first experiences were just dabbling. I never play the unicorn, meaning that I don’t have sex with girl/boy couples (women who do are rare and desirable, like unicorns). If I were willing to do that then I’m sure I would have tons more experience with being her first. I do like boy/boy couples, though, for the record! Ok, so I was saying that my girl partners were often nervous and wanted to feel secure in knowing that we could stop and cuddle at any time. As a result, they tended to say that they felt very cared for and arroused. I enjoyed how hot it got them, but that was usually the best part for me. Most people aren’t very good in bed their first time with any gender… So it’s fun, but I am glad for more experienced and relaxed partners.
At what age did you discover you had this preference?
J: I FEEL THAT I AM ATTRACTED TO BOTH EQUALLY. BUT MY FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WAS WITH A MAN WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD. IT FELT VERY NATURAL TO ME. BUT I ALSO NOTICED THAT I WAS ALSO ATTRACTED TO WOMEN. MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH A WOMAN WAS AT THE AGE OF 17 YEARS.
M: I know your J said that he was attracted to both equally. For me, it varies by the day or even the situation. Sometimes I like boys better, sometimes girls, sometimes other genders. That said, I have always known. As a child I used to assume that everyone felt the same way I did but just didn’t talk about it. Growing up, I learned how very, dangerous it can be to free with that information before you get to college (and even sometimes after that). The most startling moment though, when I really REALLY stopped to realize it, was during a school tallent show. Some older girls with more developed bodies did a very sexy hip-hop dance and my little jaw was on the floor!
How do people react when you share your preference with them, if anyone knows?
J: MOST PEOPLE PICK UP ON CLUES. ITS NOT LIKE I’M THE MOST MASCULINE GUY AROUND. THEY’RE MORE SURPRISED WHEN I TELL SOMEONE NEW THAT IM ACTUALLY BISEXUAL. MOST PEOPLE ARE VERY ACCEPTING SINCE I LIVE IN A LARGE CITY.
M: In my social circles everyone knows, but they tend to forget. I’ve been accused of withholding that information more than once, when the truth is that they just forgot and started assuming I was straight. That is both frustrating and funny! On the other hand, I do not feel that I owe anyone this information anymore than they should call me up and tell me they are straight (if they are). So far no one has come out as straight to me, so I just let people figure out as we go. Bi/pansexual people face a general cultural climate in which we are not welcome by gay people or by straights. As a result, we have to come out to both sides and then deal with the bi/panphobia from both! Even LGBT groups lack love for their B and T members. We’re generally disenfranchized on both sides and either go underground by defining ourselves based on the gender of our current partner, or we end up with a “fuck you, if you can’t deal with it” kind of attitude. I am more toward the latter of the two. The other big response is the assumption that I am a slut in a phase of sexual exploration, possibly one who wants to sleep with you. You know, seeing as I have at least 2x the options of gay or straight people, I can afford to be much more picky and have just as much fun! I cannot tell you how often men and women at parties have come over and informed me that we’re going home together, possibly to join their regular boy/girlfriend. Sure, some bi/pansexual people enjoy lots of partners, but others don’t. Either way, that information is not a “get in bed free” card! I have you find you desirable, too.
Do you have any suggestions for men/women struggling with this situation?
J: COME OUT AND ENJOY YOUR SEXUAL FEELING. YOU ARE ONLY CHEATING YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE NOT DOING WHAT TRULY FEELS NATURAL TO YOURSELF.
M: Be safe and take good care of yourself while you get yourself to a good place to explore, whether it is mentally, verbally or even physically. Growing up in bible belt, I’m kinda of protective. See how your peer and work groups respond to peple who are publically bi/pansexual and go from there. Just because they are gay friendly does not mean you’ll be ok with them, too. Furthermore, respect yourself and don’t let yourself get used as everyone else’s fantasy. Make it about your joy and fantasies, too. Lastly, call me. Just kidding! 😉 Seriously though, have fun! You are one of the magical few who can see beauty, sexuality and love in people regardless of what is hidden in their undies. In spite of our reputation, we know that we are LESS focused on genitals than the rest of the world!
What are the positive aspects of same-sex relationships, IN YOUR OPINION?
J: YOU DOUBLE YOUR WARDROBE (again, such a kidder!)
M: Wow, I think I covered that up above pretty well. I get to really appreciate dance clubs where girls dance on each other to look hot, and locker rooms (as long as I don’t get caught, at which point you’ll find me in the emergency room, which is scary and awful).
On a more serious note, I can add that same sex relationships are relationships which have the potential to make a political statement everywhere you go. That doesn’t always feel like such a great thing, but I have to say that I am proud when I can open people’s minds just by being myself. When they learn this about me they are often shocked because they also know me to be a dedicated and successful professional who is mentally solid and makes good decisions. So, in addition to all the pleasure and cool stuff, there is the opportunity to challenge the stereotypes that many people hold.
Thanks for your interview answers, J & M! I know I learned a lot of new ways to think about bi (pan?) sexuality from both of you.