www.ExploringIntimacy.com/blog

Change your RSS feed, email subscriptions and all of that good stuff over at the new blog!

After nearly two years of blogging here on wordpress.com, I’ve made the leap to a self-hosted blog that is smoothly integrated with my professional site.  You’re warmly invited to explore the entire site where you can learn more about me and my services, in addition to reading my blog.

The switch to my new professional site and blog would not have been possible without the services of my amazing web designer, AAG of AAGBlog.  Over the past year I have attempted to contract with quite a few designers, none of which were able provide me with a prompt, attractive and highly functional design (especially for a reasonable price).  I started asking around with others in my field and discovered that this is a common problem.  Therefore, I was all the more overjoyed when a friend and fellow blogger suggested AAG.  Right from the start she invested her time in speaking with me about my needs and goals for this project, and consistently checked in to answer questions and respond to my requests throughout.  AAG has a great way of making her clients feel valued, and always uses a clear and concise style of communication.  For all this great service, she also cost far less than any other designers I have spoken with and I can even update my own pages easily now that it’s done! YAY!  If you’re looking to give your site a facelift or even a brand new site,  I strongly encourage you to check out AAG and please say hi for me!

Black Lace Lips by Nina C.

There I stood at the front of the room with a playful feather-tipped whip in my grasp, the short rubber tails resting in the palm of my other.  I smiled down at one of my favorite workshop attendees, gave her wink, and then slowly narrowed my eyes as the rubber tails began to slap against my open hand in a slow rhythm.

“I hear you were naughty, very naughty.  I can’t allow you to be naughty like that without paying the price.  Are you ready to tell me what you did?”

The room is quietly transfixed, watching my quick transformation from bubbly and educational into an example of a confident and assertive partner with the promise of exotic pleasures shining in my eyes.  Not just any pleasures, mind you, but the kind of sexy fun that gives permission to be naughtier than my fictional accusations with no regrets and no risk.  After all, an invitation like that tells a lover that she or he has permission to let down their guard, join my fantasy and make it real.

“Oh, yes!”  came her eager response in a stage whisper, triggering a wave of laughter through our group.

That night I was discussing the value of props during dirty talk, but I had clearly found a topic of interest with my participants that night (and not just my target).   The questions came fast and furious after the workshop:

• How do I get my partner to do something new?
• Where does that confidence come from, and how do I tap in without feeling silly?
• I’ve always wanted to try something special but he won’t initiate.  How can I suggest it without it falling flat?
• We’re both the passive type.  Is there a way to invite my partner to be more assertive with me, without them feeling nervous about mistreating me?
• And my favorite: Can you teach me how to stand up and look smooth saying something like that?

How to start?  Begin by looking for your voice by hunting through quality erotic stories of sensual dominance.  You need not be the dirtiest sailor in town, nor do you need to be the dominant partner in your relationship.  That’s right, you can initiate just far enough to give your partner the inspiration and direction to take charge for the rest of your interlude.  Regardless of whether you’re a smoldering dominatrix or a shy librarian on a mission, once you’ve found a natural persona you can work with you’ll be ready to tap into the other elements of your fantasy including your plot, props, pleasure points, poise and sensual words.

Ready to learn more?  You’re in luck!

Join me for a live workshop this weekend at the lovely Lotus Blooms in Alexandria, details below.  Not in the DC area this weekend?  You can also check out my series of workshops on Fantasies for the Shy at the wonderful KinkAcademy .

When you’re ready to take Irresistible Seduction to new heights, drop me a line to schedule your one-on-one session with me.  My clients come from all over the world, thanks to the magic of Skype, as well as from the DC area!

Irresistible Seduction: From Fantasy to Bedroom

• Sat, March 13, 8:00pm – 9:30pm
• Lotus Blooms at 1017 King Street, Alexandria, VA. (703) 535-8225 (map)
• You requested this topic at our January workshop, Fantasies for the Shy, and here it is! Ready to heat things up this March? Enter a new level of seduction as you entice your lover with an irresistible touch of sensual dominance, even if you’ve never dared to before. Bring voice, poise, and titillation into alignment as Dr. Ruthie guides you in exactly how to bring this fantasy from your imagination to your bedroom. Arrive early to shop with Dr.Ruthie at 7pm, then join us for the workshop at 8pm sharp. This event is open to all genders, sexualities, relationships and singles. Reservations are suggested to ensure your seat, cost is $20. Call (703) 535-8225 for info and tickets.

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Why are male condoms so big? I understand that they’re designed and fitted for adult men, but it seems like they’re better suited for covering an overripe banana. Do they sell smaller-sized and/or better-fitting condoms for guys?

I’m so glad that you wrote in with this question!

I remember Enrique Iglesias made news back in 2007 when he voiced his concerns with condoms that fit too loosely, and LifeStyles immediately responded with an endorsement deal and the promise that they would have a condom in his size. It’s a question that many guys and their partners are wondering, yet are often too nervous to ask. The quick answer to your question is that there certainly are condoms in different sizes, including condoms that are a tighter, more fitted design and others that are even larger than average condoms.

Your question implies a very important fact: condom fit is important in many ways. There has been quite a bit in the news recently about the importance of condom size, including some research that suggests that it may be a reason why some men prefer not to wear them. A condom that is too tight will be uncomfortable and a condom that is too large will be baggy and difficult to keep on. Either way, it’s not attractive, nor does it feel terribly secure. Thank goodness condom companies have wised up and begun to offer a wide range of sizes and shapes so you and your partner can find products that fit just right.

The average penis is a bit under 6 inches long when erect. In fact, the range of 5 – 7 inches is considered average, according to Go Ask Alice (a reputable website run by Columbia University’s student health services). Being on either side of that number is just fine. Statistically speaking, many people will be either smaller or larger than those average numbers and that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your penis. Condoms are made very long, and generally speaking folks shouldn’t expect to be able to roll a condom all the way down. In order to put on a condom correctly, remove it carefully from the package and add a drop of lube inside the tip so that you will be able to feel it on your penis. Then pinch the air out of the lubricated tip by holding it between your thumb and forefinger. Keep your fingers there while you roll the rest of the condom down to the base of the penis. That way you have some extra condom (with a drop of lube in it, but no air) at the tip and some rolled-up condom left at the base. Some condoms are made to be baggy at the tip or along the length because they come in any of a wide assortment of undulating shapes. This extra latex is designed to provide the wearer with added comfort and stimulation as the bagginess moves and grooves against your penis during sex. That’s the kind of bagginess that is meant to be there. If your condom doesn’t say anything about a special, stimulating shape, then it probably isn’t supposed to be baggy and is a sign that you could use a more tailored fit. A condom should never be painful or uncomfortable to wear. If this is the case, and you have left room at the tip, then is probably too tight and you should try a wider size.

What about width? Those statistics are more difficult to find, but they’re also what matters most to condom size and fit. Most people who complain to me about the fit of their condom are unsatisfied with how tight or lose it is around the penis, not with the length of the condom. Unfortunately, there is no industry standard for condom sizing by length or width. One company’s large may be another’s average! Many companies do make their measurements available online, though. Let’s talk a little more about that.

There are certain key words that you can look for that are special code for a condom that is either smaller or larger than average. Condoms that are more fitted and tighter may have words on their packaging such as: contoured, close fit, snug, snugger fit and even iron grip. Wider condoms may include words such as: extra large, XL, max, and ultra. Beyond Seven brand condoms tend to be best for those who are seeking a long yet slim fit. Smaller and larger condoms are made by major companies, but their availability will also depend on the selection at your local store. Check out a few different stores to see what you can find! I’ve rarely seen free condoms in assorted sizes at clinics, unfortunately, but I sometimes find free samples available on the manufacturers’ websites.

Try buying small packages of several types of condoms that look promising, then doing a little research to see which fit you best. I’ve also included a link to a size chart for some brands of condoms. While you specifically requested information on condoms for guys, I also want to point out that you could consider using the female condom if your partner has a vagina. Because the female condom fits inside her loosely, your size makes no difference. Just be sure to use lots of extra lube.

Thanks again for bringing up this important question. I’ve included a few links, below, to give you more information about finding and using your perfect condom. Best of luck, have fun, and many thanks for being a safe and caring partner.

• Go Ask Alice – Condom Sizes
• Condom Size Chart from About.com
• Condom Basics: A User’s Manual
• Your Map to the Condom Aisle
• What’s THE BEST Condom?
• A Safer Sex How-To
• Male Reproductive Choices

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HNT Courtesy of Blue-Eyed Vixen

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #9? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and Rape – The very basic principle that we hold so dear in BDSM play, “Nothing without consent” seems to stand in stark contrast to a very common form of play, “Rape Play”.

Half-Full – When I get my ass beaten, is it as much for the sensation as it is for the “Good girl…I knew you could take that for me.” that I want so badly at the close of the scene?

House Party Part 2 -His wife walked by at one point and he cryptically asked her to “do what she did to so-and-so earlier”. His wife disappeared behind me, but I felt her hands touching me and his cock as it entered me.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Backseat Orgasms - We kissed lightly and without focus, both a sensual act and maddening at the same time. More, I needed more. In a blur I was on my knees on the seat, straddling his leg, his mouth latched onto one nipple and his fingers hunting for the key to undoing my dress pants.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Are You Watching Me? – A plan of devious proportions begins to form. Before this is over with, I will have forced you into a corner…forced you to act…forced you to give ME what I want.

See also: Pleasurists #64 and 65 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A story of FL
Contemplation
Cuddling
Floor Exercises
Good day for a milking
Goodbye
G-Spot Orgasms Galore – Part 2
Initiation
Logan
Mark. Confession #423
Mouth
Nothing says I love you quite like…
Playful and Dangerous
Play your part
Plotter
Splish Splash
The Library Hotel
The Secret I Couldn’t Keep
Triple X
Three A.M. Surprise

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)
Better Cautious Than Raped
Lingerie Tales Vol 1 An Obsession Begins
My life as a gamer’s slave
Perplexed
Saturday Texting
So Simple
The Elusive Female Orgasm
The G Spot Mouse or How To Make A Woman Squirt
Transtastic: On Language

Kink & Fetish

A No Limits Slave?
Are Discipline and Punishment The Same?
BDSM Advice Series: Pet Play
Bondage 101—Part 1: Bondage Basics
Breaking the Demons
Dark/DirtyBlog Crush
Factory Doll
Hand vs. toys
I’m on a book cover: ‘The Punishment List’ by Abel
Kink
Men as sex objects
Rough Porn
Raleigh and La Fortress
Savouring the texture of my skin with his teeth
The Way They Look At Me
The Slut Chronicles #13 ~ The Auction
Whither the spankosphere?

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Happy Valentines Day!
Hookers, Catholic School Students and Facebook
Lane Bryant Makes Puppies and Kittens Cry
Pussy Cosmetics and Vagina Myths

Crimes of passion by `girltripped

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #64 or #65? Read 64 here or read 65 here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #66? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then you can use our submission form and submit it before Sunday March 6th at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Win a $100 Shopping Spree! Deadline: 200 e-mail subscribers.
• Porn & Fleshlights Deadline: On Saturday nights each week in February.
• Love Kit Giveaway! Deadline: February 28th.
• May the Luck of the Irish Be With You! Deadline: March 12th @ 11:00 am CST.
• V-Day Naughty Confessions Contest Deadline: March 14th @ 12am PST.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #8

Editor’s Pick

• Njoy Pure Plug Medium by Saraid

The base is probably the greatest thing in the universe. The neck is thin and long, so your plug won’t fall out due to the weight and the handle. . oh the handle The handle is something out of this world.

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• OhMiBod Club Vibe by Kaijah
• Jollies Rider by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• Rock Chick by Pretty Power Tools
• Babeland Remote Panties by True Pleasures
• G-Ki by Sarahbear
• Kiwi by Pretty Power Tools
• I Rub My Bondage Duckie by Mistress Kay
• Cloud 9 by Melen’s Rayne
• Twisties by Dr. Ruthie
• LELO Ina by Pretty Power Tools
• 1969 L’insolete by Sexorcism
• Touche Ice Small by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• VibroPod by Dr. Ruthie
• Rock Chick by Zooey Rexie
• Jimmyjane Iconic Duckie by Jessie Beth
• Jimmyjane Iconic Duckie by Sexorcism

Dildos

• Little Su by Red
• Pink Bent Graduate by B & M

Anal Toys

• Mini Waterproof Vibrating Plug by The Bonobos

Toys for Cocks

• “Abbey’s Secret Ale” Sex In a Can by Mistress Kay
• Orgasm in a Box (His) by Sarahbear
• SuccuDry Fleshlight by Bobby D
• SuccuDry Fleshlight by Garnet Joyce

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Shunga Chocolate Body Sauce by Sarahbear
• Jimmyjane Little Ember Set by Domina Doll
• Bwarm Massage Candles by Saraid
• Sliquid Organics Natural by Wilhelmina Wang
• Shunga Massage Candle by Sarahbear
• Heart Warmer Massager by Kynky Kytty
• Pink Water by Britni TheVadgeWig
• Bijoux Indiscrets for Bath & Body by Domina Doll

BDSM/Fetish

• Tantric Satin Ties Collection Bondage Kit by Domina Doll
• SportSheets SuperCuffs by Kyle
• Nookii Slap & Tickle Kit by Domina Doll

Adult Books & Games

• 101 nights of GRRREAT sex! by Sarahbear
• Moregasm by Essin’ Em
• I Dare You by Jessie Beth

Adult Movies/Porn

• LA Pink by Domina Doll
• Sunshine Highway 2 by The Porn Librarian
• Velvet Tension Volume 1 by FrzKey
• First Dates – Scene 3 by J.D. Bauchery
• Pussy Eating Club by The Porn Librarian
• Ride of the Valkyrie by FrzKey

Lingerie

• Chain Thong by True Pleasures
• Daisy Lace Babydoll Set by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lace over satin bra and garter set by Lithaewyn
• Blue Goddess Babydoll by True Pleasures
• Red Bows Cami & G-String by Juliettia

Miscellaneous

• Spareparts Joque Harness by Mistress Kay
• Nipple Embracer Shields Jewelry by True Pleasures
• LELO Luna Beads by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• Lindsay the Love Doll by Shay

• Toy: VibroPod (sent by Lustique)
• Type: innie vibe with 8 functions and also vibes in time to you MP3 player, 2 AAA batteries
• Manufacturer: California Exotic Novelties
• Material: phthalate-free, coated hard plastic phallus, lots of cords, and a power box
• Price: $37.49
• SMT rating: unknown. Plastic quickly cracked on the insertable part.

Notice the small, horizontal crack at the tip of my finger, stretching almost to the vertical seam.

I’m just not having luck with these MP3 vibes! First it was one of the original OhMiBod MP# vibes, which ceased to vibrate at all by the second or third use.  Now it’s the Cal Exotic’s version, the VibroPod, which developed a horizontal crack in the casing almost immediately and has tediously long cords.

Lustique.com was kind enough to send me this VibroPod for review, so allow me to save the rest of you some time and money.  Don’t buy it. All the same, I will briefly describe it here.

This vibrator is made to attach to your iPod or mp3-player. Inside of it’s cardboard packaging is a nice purple mesh bag which holds it’s many feet of cords, as well as our vibrator and its power pack. There is a a sea of cords that you can watch me swim swim around with in the review above.

I orignially tried to listen to a dance mix, but the vibration was too consistant, so I suggest using something with less of a consistant base-line. When I put on Daniel Bedingfield’s “I Gotta Get Through This” it worked fine.

If you do not want to use the toy with music, you can disconnect it from your mp3 player and should be able to change between 8 speed settings as long as you first unplug the iPod from the toy. Although this toy worked longer than the name brand version I tried to review, I have some issues with the quality. Although I have not put the VibroPod through any strenuous use the plastic covering has already cracked, as shown in the pic here.

So, we have a confusing, poorly made, cheap toy. You could possibly use the toy for fun things, but toys that crack easily are not toys you should be buying.

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• Toy: Twisties in Dusty Rose (sent by Lustique)
• Type: waterproof, outtie, single speed, 1 N sized battery (2 included)
• Manufacturer: Doc Johnson
• Material: non-phthalate PVC
• Price: $13.79
• SMT rating: 0

Lustique.com was kind enough to send to me this Twisties – Dusty Rose for review, a small twist-cap single speed vibe with a hard plastic ring at the base.

Twisties – Dusty Rose comes packaged in easy-to-open clam-shell packaging with two N sized batteries (one spare). It is waterproof and made from non-phthalate PVC which is firm yet somewhat flexible at the tip. Basically, this vibe is a larger version of the bullet vibe with a rubber coating. Twisties – Dusty Rose has a ring on the end which is used to help twist off the cap. There is no indication as to which way the battery goes so you’ll have to experiment with that for a few seconds.

Twisties – Dusty Rose has only one speed (which isn’t very strong) so you simply twist the ring completely closed to turn it on. Doc Johnson isn’t known for great motors in their vibrators and this one is no exception; although the motor isn’t terrible, it clearly isn’t a premium component. The ring on the end may be useful to help move the toy around or for bondage play (because the ring is ideal for rope), but other than that there isn’t anything particularly special about it.  It’s worth noting the ring is hard plastic, while the rest insertable portion is that PVC over hard plastic.

The toy isn’t shaped for pressure on the G-spot and it isn’t very large. I strongly recommend that you do not use this toy for anal stimulation even though the toy resembles a butt plug; anal toys should have a flaired based which is clearly wider than any other part of the toy and the ring on the base just doesn’t cut it.

While is has aspects to it that are intriguing, those aspects are few and far between. If I had to choose between using Twisties – Dusty Rose and taking a nap, I’d probably choose the nap, and that’s a bit sad.

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credit: www.Copyright-free-photos.org.uk

The hottest new product is here, dominating my inbox with press releases, reviews, and debate.  Perhaps you’ve heard of this new series of pussy cosmetics, too, with its promise of 2 or 3 days of fresh, feisty and colorful labia for an irresistible, new pink vulva.  Who can resist your bright and bold little lady now, eh?  Let’s dive in and see what’s up with the newest trend in sexual enhancement.

My New Pink Button is marketed as a “temporary dye system”, never tested on animals, developed by a paramedical esthetician,  available in four shades of red (light pink through maroon) and… ooh la la… it’s distributed out of France.   It’s made to look natural and promises that it won’t rub off on clothes or partners.  Sounds great, but in the midst of all this I’m left with one unaddressed concern: I didn’t know that a natural pussy wasn’t already an optimal color, at least not until this product came along to fix it.

That’s how big pharma and the cosmetic industries work, after all.  It’s no conspiracy theory, it’s just success marketing: find a legit concern that a small portion of the population experiences and that your company can address with a product.  Then describe and raise awareness of the problem in such a way that the symptoms sound like they’re meant for a much larger ground of people than those for whom the product was actually made.  This awareness raising should make large numbers of people feel as though they have what is actually an uncommon problem, thus re-defining normal as problematic.  If the advertising works really well, people will start throwing the word or phrase around like salt in a snowstorm and it will become part of common lexicon.  What if your natural, normal functioning is actually erectile disorder, vaginal odor, chronic acne, ADHD, a missing or under-developed G-Spot, uneven labia or *gasp* a dull and unsexy-colored pussy?  With hordes of people suddenly aware of their new “problem”, thanks to unethical scare tactics, shaming and overly broad definitions, you now have a ripe consumer base for your fabulous new solution.  Tada!  A winning product is born.

Clearly I’m no prude and I’m all for spicing things up in the boudoir, but I’m sure you hear my thundering bias already.  So, allow me to step aside from addressing My New Pink Button as a specific brand of coochie make-up and instead venture into the underlying issues: what color is an attractive vulva supposed to be, and does a “new” vulva look somehow better than a “used” vulva?

Meet Your Vulva, Thanks to Scarleteen.com. Click to learn more.

Myth #1: A healthy, sexy vulva should be a specific color, and a bright one at that. Not true!  Cheesy as it sounds, it’s absolutely true when I say that labia are like flowers.  They’re meant to come in a range of delightful colors painted across variety of naturally attractive shapes.  It is normal and attractive for vulvar skin colors to include: black, grey, silver, gold, tan, brown, pink, white, red, purple, olive, blue and more!  Skin tone in the vulva need not match other areas on a woman’s body, either.  It’s a special place with unique skin tones.  So which colors are the sexiest?  Some people are used to seeing colors in the light, bright pink range, as Photoshopping and chemical skin lightening are rampant in porn industry.  However, remember that in spite of whatever photographers have decided shows up best on film, humans are naturally wired to like natural bodies.  The colors of natural pussies are evolved to be the utmost in sexy as-is.  While decorating can be icing on the cake, a deliciously moist and luscious cake is what really gets people interested.

Myth #2: A “used” pussy looks different; you can see when a vagina is worn out. It’s the word “new” in the product title that’s getting me as much as the idea artificial crotch coloring.  Vaginas and vulvas change naturally with age, this is true.  By the age of 30, or after child birth, the vaginal muscles have a greater ability to subsume (or expel) larger items than younger women.  This does not mean that older women are less tight – that’s all a matter of genetics and vaginal muscle tone.  But let’s get back to the visuals.  Healthy, happy sexual experience does not change the shape of her vagina, labia, clit, anus, or mons.  Clearly, changes in the presence of a hymen can be seen, but today most women are missing all or part of their hymen long before any consensual experience with penetration.  Coloration may change across the lifespan as the body matures; however, there is no particular color associated with an “old” vulva.  So, there is no need to make one’s “button” or anything look different or “new.”  Color does change when she gets aroused and blood rushes to the area, often making her natural colors deeper and more lush.  It’s likely that this is what the product was really shooting for, but they didn’t want to be quite so bold as to say “you can fake being already turned on with our product!”  This leads us to myth #3…

Myth #3: Using a product that mimics sexual arousal will enhance your relationship. I’m a complete lube snob and I stand proudly by that title, as long as it is used as a pleasurable tactile enhancement and condom safety enhancement, never as a form of faking being turned-on.  How in the world does it help our sexual communication and relationships when we fake our arousal?  As a relationship coach and sex educator, I work hard to help people communicate their sexual desires, as well as read each other’s body language.  Often times I meet people who are working hard to impersonate what they want, hoping it will somehow transform into the real thing: orgasms, trust, intimacy, confidence and more.  While looking aroused is sexy, it’s hottest (and most honest) for everyone involved when you look turned-on because you are AND when you or you and your partner take joy in working together to get there.

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Dr. Ruthie Mugging at Lotus Blooms

Sunday, February 14 at 6:00pm

Lotus Blooms at 1017 King Street, Alexandria, VA. (703) 535-8225 (map)

Ladies, this Valentine’s Day event is just for you, so grab your closest girlfriends and join Dr. Ruthie at Lotus Blooms. We’ll explore different ways to pamper yourself with relaxation activities during the workshop and leave with info and tips for sensual self exploration when you get home. Arrive early to shop with Dr.Ruthie at 5pm, then join us for the workshop at 7:30pm sharp. Sorry, gents but only women are welcome at this event! Reservations are suggested to ensure your seat, cost is $20. Call (703) 535-8225 for info and tickets.