Gary of India shares his experiences with tantric sex and BDSM

I’m happy to introduce you to our newest kink interviewee, Gary.  I believe Gary is our first interviewee from India and he has shared some great stories about his love of various kinks, combined with tantric sex, as well as the socio-sexual climate in his country.  Gary is also looking for hot new erotica for his online businesses, so all you writers might want to drop him a line to learn more!

Please tell us, what is your kink?

I have a lot of kinks and when I get into them or use them all depends on what I’m on about (mood, etc etc). Like for example on days when I’m back from a tiring day of work – I’d like to just slip into bed after a shower and get me a nice rub down starting with my feet right up to me head, and all this invariably ends with a session of wild, sometimes tied down sex or just a nice vanilla session.  And then on days when I have all the time in the world – I get out my favourites – “lil” pieces of rope – nipple clamps, blind folds and the likes – nothing beats a mixture of tantric sex, a little pain, and some ordering around in bed. So I would say – I don’t really have a particular kink, but being a kinkster who on most times tops from the bottom and, a great believer in spicing up relationships through one’s sex life – I’d go with something as simple as – “Unconventional and fun”. Though all said and done – I have a major fetish for feet, round-big arses, cunnilingus, tattoos, piercings and lately my curiousity level of wax play has heightened.

How common do you think your kinks are?

The blend of Tantric sex and a bit of here and there kinks is not very popular in a place like India. However, on a overall point of view I feel that everyone has a kink. Saying this; not many people are into say – being tied up. I remember in my transferring from vanilla days – there was this girl who I asked if I could tie her down, blindfold her and go down on her, after she reached her first orgasm she was like “I think you need to untie me now” with a sort of tone that said – I dont like this… So I did and she humped me straight up. The morale of the story here being people in India here are not very open to anything that is remotely kink play – they’ll just rather go the vanilla way all the while keeping they curiousity levels intact. On the other hand I have come across a lot of women who have been opened to not only being tied down but serious ass dominating or submissive trips in life, but a very small percentage compared to the vanilla flavored that you find here. In India, it’s a boon to be in a relationship which plays on those lines – it’s really sad.

Does your set of kinks, or people who participate in it, have any catchy titles?

Not really! There no such catchy title, but I like calling it regular sex for me!

How did you become interested in kink?

I got sort of introduced to it through a friend, my turning 18 birthday bash. What happened was – some of  my really close friends knew this girl who was a decade older and she was into hardcore BDSM, and as they say the rest is histroy (she did do a number on me ). However, it was not till about four years back that I got into kink play, I figured that being in charge of how I feel when I have sex was the thing to do to really enjoy sex. It started out as sex where in I was more of the submissive with me at times topping, which in turn became the other way around when I got into Tantric Sex. So, on the whole it has been more of a journey getting into the lifestyle – from this to that and that to this, and I don’t think the journey is in any point over. I feel there is always something you learn as you move on in life, sex included.

How did you come to start your own business in this area?

My business is not yet started, but it is in its infant stages. It was just an idea that was being played around with which became a reality when I bought a domain in a drunken state and did not know what to do with it.

What are your favorite parts of  developing your job?

The research as of now.  I get to surf the best of erotica – something which I love if written well. Though at times it’s not all nice going. So, if any one of you writes good erotica and want a directory to put it up let me know and that includes photography.

What are somethings you really wish more people knew about your kink?

I really wish people were open to the idea, I mean I come across so many people who don’t even want to try it and say something in the lines of “I don’t like it” or “I detest the idea of it”. How can you possibly say that you don’t like something you have not tried? I mean – the adrenaline that comes with the waiting game or say the multiple orgasm or either way - is something that cannot be described and will never be the same (atleast for me) in Vanilla.

How do you incorporate your kink into your sexual experiences?

Incorporating my kinks is not that hard, I mean I am with a certain person because that person is into the same lifestyle. As far as “how” goes – A lot of tying up and controlling the situation is the most part of my play – on most days and nights. Though, all said and done, I would like to someday incorporate a sort of system as to how and why kinks of a certain genre get triggered off so I can take hold of the situation in a better way.

Is there anything you have to be particularly careful about with this kink? If so, how do you handle it?

Not really. That’s how human friendly it is. Though rope burn marks is something to look out for, esp if you have the next morning.

What really works for you about this kink, what aspects turn you on?

The total control factor of the sessions flow is a total adrenaline rush. It’s on the lines of bungee jumping if you ask me. The sense of power that comes with every move, every flick, every possible exit point is a total turn on. I also get off (not literally) on getting the other person off, the look of pure natural born ecstacy on her face is big big turn on.

Would you please tell us a story or two about sexual experiences you’ve had involving your kink?

Well, two of them – I’ll give you one where I’ve been the submissive and one where I’ve been the dominating one.

Submissive – I met this girl once who was a good switch (though she bottomed from the top) who was on this exploration trip, so I was lying there – back down, tied up and being played around with hot wax. Next I know – she had me kneeling begging to be gotten off while I kissed her feet, all this while I had my hands tied behind my back. She finally gave in and fucked me silly while she sucked on my toes, and my hands were still tied. When I came – I came like a fucking horse.

Dominative – I had this thing going with another girl – that she was my kitten (though, I’m not a big fan of role playing) – I got her to do things like purr instead of moan (which if you ask me, thinking is pretty hard when you’re on the brink of orgasming) and if she didn’t she would be denied an orgasm. Then she wouldn’t be allowed to use the loo unless she asked me like most pets do, things like that. It was good fun, she enjoyed it as much as I did, she also said something in the lines of this being the best sex she’s had.

How do people react when you share your kink with them, if anyone knows?

Some go “Freak!”  some just laugh it off and some just want to get with me. Either way – I don’t really care unless they want to get with me, then again I’m pretty choosy when it comes to picking someone.

How do you go about finding partners that share your interest?

It’s not really hard, I’ve always believed in the fact that all people have kinks, just that certain people have ‘certain’ kinks that you enjoy. And it’s all boils down to knowing who wants what. I’ve met people at friends drink-ins and I’ve met people who share the same likes at church. Yes, I said church!

Can you recommend any resources for people who want to learn more or might even share your kink?

Thebeautifulkind.com – that’s one website I’ve been fixed to, like, forever. Your website, and Fetlife – It’s actually very educating as much it’s a social network.

Anything else you would like to add?

A woman who likes a certain kink is not a whore, she just likes her sex in a certain way. I say this because that’s the type of mindframe that goes around in this country.

Thank you so much for taking the time to interview with us, Gary!  Interested readers can check out Gary at his three websites:

http://wishbone.in

http://undisclosedvacation.com

http://kvlt.info

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Now, for your blogging enjoyment, here are some of the stories & links that are keeping my eyeballs busy today:

Updates on the search for a female viagra.

Your water bottle and your penis may be enemies.

Dealing with the sexual side effects of your prescriptions.

The amazing folks at Scarleteen will answer sex Qs from teens and young adults by text message! I love it!

Call the Governor of Rhode Island and give him a piece of your mind over his veto of LGBT burial rights: Gov. Carcieri (401) 222-2080

New research on sexual lubricants and pleasure.

If you’re interested in what is rocking my world in the land of sex nerdery, you should look me up on Twitter and the Facebook Fan Page.  I post original sex tips and lots of sex news links, as well as tidbits about life as a professional sexpert.

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You’ve likely seen the bloody, macho promos with smooth graphics for Dragon Age: Origins on TV, and heard the saucy tag line of “Not Every Hero is Pure.” But, just what is this popular new video game doing that you probably won’t see on the television commercials? Dragon Age: Origins is seducing audiences in a fresher, sexier way than its competition by including luscious, highly suggestive imagery of gay and lesbian elven sex scenes.

While past popular video games have included sexual violence in order to gain popularity, maker Bioware is going in a different direction. Both the female on female and the male on male elf sex scenes contain a romantic collection of brief clips, with opportunities for limited conversation about the interludes. Far be it from me to search for deep meaning in video games, but the progressive eye candy does strike me as a creative way to normalize nonviolent queer sex for gamers of every generation.

Watch video clips of the gay and lesbian sex scenes from Dragon Age: Origins here and here.

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Follow @DrRuthie on Twitter

You can now get even more of Exploring Intimacy and Dr.Ruthie (that’s me!) by becoming a fan on facebook, and adding us to Twitter @DrRuthie !

We’ll be doing some special contests on both, and there are also discussion boards over on Facebook.

As for Twitter, it’s the best way to keep track of what’s going on with Dr.Ruthie and get a peep into the life of a professional sexpert.  I also enjoy tweeting sex and relationship tips, and you know you don’t want to miss that.

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Midori is a true goddess of sensuality and kink.  You’ve read her books, seen her amazing bondage and fetish fashion photos – so come join me in at her workshops this week in Washington, DC through WholeDC!  And this isn’t a giant group event – this is a chance to interact with Midori personally while learning to seduce your lovers with your voice, or with sexy silk scarf bondage.  You better believe that I’ll be there both nights – drop me a line so I can say hello to you, too!

Aural Sex: Midori Teaches Seduction by Voice

Wednesday, November 4, 2009
6:30pm – 8:30pm

Whole DC is thrilled to present Midori! Come to her compelling Aural Sex workshop at the new Dulce Cafe and Lounge on Capital Hill (Eastern Market or Potomac Ave Metro).

The brain is the biggest sex organ and the voice can be the most powerful tool to create the hottest scenes. Midori will show you how to use the hypnotic magic of the voice to seduce your lover long before you enter the bedroom or the playspace.

Wrapped for Pleasure: Midori Teaches Easy Bondage for Steamy Sex

Thursday, November 5, 2009
6:30pm – 8:00pm

Want to bring sizzling, sexy, fun, and easy erotic bondage to your bedroom? Don’t want to bother with expensive gear or complicated ropes? Let’s combine sex with super easy bondage with stealthy scarves!

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Good Vibes - Fantastic Sex Shopping in San Francisco

Good Vibes is the first adult store from which I ever made an online purchase – way back during my time in New York. It changed my life, because the atmosphere of their website encouraged me to learn about what I was buying, as well as myself, without shame.

When I finally found myself in San Francisco I knew I must make the pilgrimage in person and I was not disappointed. What a fantastic store! I know good vibes was recently acquired by a larger company, but rest assured that the independent, feminist, service-oriented spirit is very much alive.

I walked into this store and was immediately greeted by their inspiring and entertaining selection of antique vibrators. As a proud owner of an early 1900s vibe myself, I was thrilled to see her sisters on display here. As one might expect, this excellent store sells a variety of toys for all genders and sexualities, as well as some uniquely tasty BDSM gear and plenty of books, condoms and lubes. Toys are usually on display, so you can check them out, and the lay out of the store is comfortable and easy to navigate.

Let me take a moment to compliment the staff, who are all far more trained and approachable than those are your typical (smuttier) store. As a professional sex educator, my questions tend to be picky and unusual. I was thrilled that staff were able to advise me on their items without hesitation, in spite of my detail-oriented needs. I left feeling well educated about the products that I was interested in, and confident that I could call later, if needed.

I should also mention that they have an art gallery space in the back are easily accessible by bus.

View all of my sex store reviews here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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Whipped: 20 Erotic Stories of Female Dominance, edited by Carol Queen

Whipped, edited by Carol Queen, has renewed my faith in FemDom of erotic fiction! This book features a series of short and steamy stories in which women seduce and dominate a range of partners, for personal and perhaps even financial pleasure.

After my late teens I slowly stopped reading erotic fiction, mostly because it tends to stop being erotic after a while. I’m particularly hesitant to pick up books featuring sexually dominant women, as they tend to surprise me with a twist ending in which she decides she really prefers to submit to a rude and power-hungry male lover. Exit To Eden, I’m looking at you when I say that.

Whipped, however, brings the genre back where it belongs with a firm spank to lesser offerings. Each story is delightfully different from the others, representing diverse genders and sexualities, so some will raise your temperature while others just raise your eyebrows. Either way, I was kept wide awake on my flight back from San Francisco, which is one of the few times it is appropriate to read a book like this in a cramped public space. After all, the woman squished in next to me was reading a guide to one night stands and the fellow across the aisle was discussing his attempts to sew his own g-string. I fit right in prepping for this book review!

This book is also advertised with a DVD of the documentary “Whipped”. This video shows the lives of several professional and private female dominants as they work with whips and maintain their relationships. It’s a very interesting video, and would particularly well suited for those who are curious about what it is to be a professional dominatrix. Sad to say, I did not feel hopeful for any of the main characters or their relationships at the end of the video. While I would prefer to see some more successful experiences of lifestyle domination, perhaps this is a realistic depiction of the difficulties of confronting our society’s preference for women who are submissive in all areas of life.

Check out all my book reviews here, or join me on GoodReads.com.

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I do hope you enjoy my first video review, complete with catchy intro music!

• 

  FemBlossom by Emotional Bliss

  Toy: The FemBlossom

• Type: premium battery powered vibrator, heating (rechargable)
• Manufacturer: Emotional Bliss
• Material:  hard plastic, with antibacterial silver ions in the plastic
• Cost: $99.95
• SMT rating: 1 – 3 (depending on settings), with accompanying heat

The Femblossom comes from Emotional Bliss, a wonderful company with a unique approach to designing toys that stand apart.  They produce especially great products for women just learning to explore their own bodies with toys or who have not been satisfied with other products on the market.  The FemBlossom is no exception, and proves to be a fantastic outty vibe!

My Femblossom was sent to me for review and arrived well packaged, including an AC adapter, two small bottles of lubricant (water and silicone based), and a wonderful instruction manual.  The manual goes over the functions of the toy, including all 9 settings at 3 different levels of power annnnd it also heats!  I should mention that it is made with a silver ion technology in the plastic that gives it anti-bacterial properties when wiped down with water.

The Femblossom is designed as an outty toy, for use on the vulva including the clitoris, but not for insertion.  As you can see from the video, it’s curved to match the body and lay at the outside of the vulva, or directly stimulate the clit by pressing the curved section against the vulva or using the tip of the vibe.  It has subtle texture, not enough to overwhelm but enough to notice.  As you turn up the vibrations, you also turn up the heat.  The power button is located within easy finger’s reach, and you can scroll through the 9 settings using the + and – buttons.  It gets very powerful and very warm, but can also have a mild thrum with lower heat for those who prefer a softer touch, or who like to warm up gently.

Like its inny-outty sister, the Womolia, this is an excellent premium toy with dynamic uses.  Most toys with a powerful motor are good for getting off but not warming up, this one has a range that goes from sweetly seductive to very intense.  The heat function can be both relaxing and stimulating, and proves to be highly enjoyable.

For those who prefer an outty-only vibrator that does not look anything like a phallus, this is a phenominal choice!  It’s easy to use with partners, and to accompany penetration, solo or partnered. The buttons are easy to press and do not require a great deal of finger strength or dexterity and the toy is light and easy to hold. The battery even holds a charge for a long time!  Like the Womolia, I can’t find anything wrong with this toy, and am very happy to give it my whole hearted recommendation as a fantastic toy for beginners and experienced toy lovers!

Check out all of the toys that have been Play Tested here on ExploringIntimacy.com.

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vibe as drink mixer

The folks at Hand Made Sex Toys have come up with a great guide for those of us with a few too many toys on our hands.  Check out their illustrated tips for using your dildos, butt plugs, and other wankables as household helpers!

Thanks to our friend B for the tip!

by Massimo Innocenti

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #35? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #37? Submit it here before Sunday July 12th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Birthday Giveaway! Deadline: Monday July 13th at noon Pacific Time.
• Hello Kitty Vibe photo contest Deadline: September 1, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Striptease Kit by Kara Sutra

Vibrators

• Studded Tongue Twister by The Duchess
• AcuVibe Mini by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by CarrieAnn
• LELO Iris by Thursday’s Child
• Remote Vibrating Thong by The Duchess
• Fun Factory Gallant by CarrieAnn
• AcuVibe Mini by Miss Mia
• Hello Kitty Vibe by Athena Bradford
• Orion Bottle Rocket by Dangerous Lilly
• LELO Iris by Essin’ Em
• Earth Angel by Carnivalesq
• LELO Gigi and Iris by HavingMyCake
• Slicone Intimate Diver by Adriana
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Exploring Intimacy

Dildos

• Randy by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Lovemoiselle Noemie by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Savanna’s Spiral Wrapped G-spot Wonder by Amorous Rocker
• Glo Smooth by Baby Sinead

Anal Toys

• Tantus Ryder by Sexorcism
• Tantus A-Bomb by Scott
• Romp by Epiphora
• Alumina Pace by Epiphora

Toys for Cocks

• Tenga Deep Throat Cup by Baby Sinead
• Zeus Vibrating Cockring by True Pleasures
• Hannah Harper Authentic Love Doll by Red

BDSM/Fetish

• 36 Inch Spreader Bar by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Sport Cuffs by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Rubber Ball Gag by Domina Doll

Adult Books/Games

• Opening Up by Essin’ Em

Adult Movies/Porn

• Fuck Me in the Bathroom #3 by Beautiful Dreamer
• Sugar High Glitter City by Nadia West
• The Art of Sex by J.D. Bauchery
• Rivals Volume 2 by The Porn Librarian
• Peters by FrzKey
• Not Bewitched XXX by J.D. Bauchery
• In Praise of Indecency by The Porn Librarian
• Butch Boi Lansing Raw by J.D. Bauchery
• Afrodite Superstar by Thursday’s Child
• Nina Hartley Private Sessions #11 by Lady Wolfdreams

Lingerie

• Cocktail Party Collar and Cuffs by Red

Storage

• Just in Case Condom Compact II by Wilhelmina Wang
• For Your Nymphomation Bigfoot Case by Red

Sex Furniture

• Liberator Fascinator Throe – Microfiber by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
• Liberator Wedge & Ramp Combo by Sarah Estrella
• Liberator Black Label Scoop by Thursday’s Child
• Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo by Dangerous Lilly
• Sexercise Me System by Red

Miscellaneous

• La Femme by Sleeping Dreamer